My Family

My Family

Monday, August 28, 2006

Going Bezerk

Have you ever heard the Ray Stevens song "The Day the Squirrel Went Bezerk"?
It tells the story (as many of Ray Stevens' songs do) of a squirrel getting loose in church and wreaking havoc among the churchgoers.
It's very funny.

That is, until something like unto it actually happens to you.
I'm not kidding, and I assure you, not one bit of this is made up.

Last Thursday, we had Cub Scout Pack Meeting.
Stephen had earned his Webelos badge and Arrow of Light before he turned 11 on Aug. 15, so we were excited he would be receiving these awards.
It was to start at 6pm, so it was imperative that we leave home by 5:45pm to get there on time.

All the kids are at the table.
Dinner is underway and we are making progress toward our goal of leaving on time.
I finish my dinner and walk outside for a minute.
Our cat, Orion, is chasing a small rodent-like creature down the edge of the house.
I silently cheer him on and pride myself on having a hunter in the family that rids our home of nasty pests.
I know we're on track for the night, so I am feeling pretty good.
I head back inside, and leave the door open momentarily behind me.
After a minute, I shut the door, and tried to verbally hurry the kids along, telling them they still need to find their shoes and get their hair combed.

"Mom," Emily says, "Orion has a tail hanging out of his mouth."
Orion is inside?
(For the record, he is an inside/outside cat).
I just knew that he had just been chasing a 4 inch rodent outside, and now, he was inside, presumably with WHATEVER that rodent was, IN HIS MOUTH!!

It only took about 2 seconds to connect the dots.
He must have caught the creature and slipped in to share his prize with us before I shut the door.
So, bracing myself for a dead offering, I stooped down to see what kind of carcass I needed to clean up.
All of a sudden I hear,
"Oh, GROSS!"
"What is it??"

Lo and behold, Orion, brave and mighty cat hunter he is, had grabbed a chipmunk by the tail and brought it, ALIVE, into our home.

So at 5:30pm, chaos ensued.
Every child was screaming or standing on their chair or chasing me to try and see the chipmunk.
I was chasing that dad-gum chipmunk (for about 12 minutes!)
from guest room (where part of the tail actually came off),
to the piano (underneath to boot, so I'm clearing the top of it and trying to move it enough so that Orion can recapture his prey),
to the TV room in a corner,
up underneath the recliner (where he chose to stay for a couple of minutes until I totally tipped over the chair and shook it),
to a newly washed pillowcase next to the couch, in which this little, bleeding-tailed chipmunk buried it's head and half of it's body, trying to find security and peace.

Meanwhile, I'm frantically trying to decide what I can do if I can't get Orion to catch the LOVELY prey he was so anxious to show us.
So the following things are racing through my mind:
Would it be completely stupid to leave a chipmunk in the house when we weren't home?
Where would it hide?
There are lots of places for it to hide for a really long time in my house.
No way, I can't leave a chipmunk unattended, to have free reign in my house while I am gone.
I can just miss Pack Meeting.
No, that won't work, Stephen is getting his awards.

And I'm saying, no, YELLING,
"Get your shoes on, NOW!"
"There's a tail on the floor?! YUCK! Stephen, get a Wal-Mart bag and pick it up with the plastic, BUT DON'T TOUCH IT!"
"Where's Sam?....Emily, GO BUCKLE HIM IN THE VAN!"
"EVERYBODY!! Get your shoes and GO BUCKLE UP!"
"Stop screaming and chasing the chipmunk, GO TO THE VAN, WE NEED TO GO!!"

Once the kids listened and all went to the van, I actually was able to concentrate on the rodent at hand.
When it ran into the wadded up (but clean) pillowcase, I was relived.
It didn't seem to be moving much.
Maybe I could catch it.
Put it in a box or a jar or something.
That is what I would do.
Wait, what if it runs away while I am getting a container?
What if....I just pick up the pillowcase?
That will work.
So I grabbed two edges of the pillowcase, and walked as quickly as possible to the door.
Relieved to be outside, I sighed a huge "Thank You, Lord!", and started to let the chipmunk go.
Then I heard,
"Mom! Can we see it's tail? Where it got bitten off?"
"You caught it! Awesome!"
So after a short show and tell, I let Orion sniff the back of the chipmunk...and the chipmunk literally jumped 18 inches from the pillowcase to the ground a foot away from me and took off, as fast as it could go, Orion on it's heels.
I didn't stay to see the hunt resumed, I just walked to the van and drove away.
Thanking the Lord that I have never had to deal with that before, and praying I will never have to deal with it again, either.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering, they didn't have Stephen's awards ready.
They'll be presenting him with them next month.
At another Pack Meeting.
I'll be praying it a chipmunkless night.


Perry said...

ALVIN!!!!!! Or was it Theadore? There is a great video I saw on Yahoo Video's the other day called "Ninja Chipmunk" Where the Chipmunk fought back and ultimately disgruntled the cat. Watch out, your little tailless friend may return, with reinforcements!

hk said...

Oh my hair!! That is hilarious. I could totally picture each and every kid and face expression during that whole thing! What I would have paid to be a fly on the wall...

Thanks for sharing! You made my day!

Jamie said...

Can I send you my medical bills I have as a result of falling off of my chair, lol?

Kor said...

That poor chipmunk!
No really, I'm so sorry you had to deal with the chaos. It must have been quite a sight. You have my greatest admiration for surviving. Those awards sure better be ready next month, huh?

Karina said...

That is funny!!!! Sorry you had a hard time though! Like your blog!

SalGal said...

I need to start charging people to read their blogs... I end up laughing so hard I get hurt!

Kudos, kudos, I would've been screaming bloody murder until the cops came to find out what I was doing to my kids.

Actually, I never would have had a cat in the first place, but I digress...

Dawnyel said...

All that craziness to get to pack meeting on time, and they DIDN'T HAVE THE AWARDS READY!? I think I would have sat them down and TOLD them exactly what I had gone through to get there that night...then waited while they rounded up some awards! GEEZ!!
So funny! :D

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

GROSS!!! A bleeding-tailed chipmunk in your house! Glad you were able to take care of it before you left (I'm sure he would have found lots of good hiding places). Isn't that always the way with Pack Meeting? :)

Kristine said...

Perry--I AM going to be on the lookout for a mass of chipmunks headed my way.

HK-I would have liked for you to be a video recorder on the wall simply because I would love to see the whole thing again!

Jamie--I'll try not to be funny in the future! (LOL!)

Kori--Sure as heck they better have those awards ready. It is really funny looking back on it...and while it was chaotic, I could totally see the humor in it the whole time.

Karina--Hey cute neice! I'm so glad you are reading my blog. I wish you could have been here to scream along with your cousins.

Salgal--You're not a cat person?? I was actually surprised at my levelheadedness regarding the whole silly situation!

Dawnyel--Did you know I read your name as "Dwaynel" for the longest time? I felt really bad for you, but figured your dad's name was Dwayne. I was really relieved to read your name right for the first time a couple of days ago and realize it is variation of Danielle.
Had it not been brand new leaders at Pack meeting, I would have let them have it. They are taking over a very poorly run program. I did tell them that I would not be attending another one without a phone call because Bug is no longer a Cub and attending weekly 11year old scout meetings already.

TMM--I was pretty grossed out at the bleeding tail. At least it wasn't spurting anywhere. I truly did feel blessed to have him out of my home, and I probably would have been significantly late had it not worked out the way it did!

Thanks to all of you for your awesome comments!