Tonight I got into the car to return some books back to the library.
(Don't be thinking I'm doing well with that...I had paid the (*monstrous, out of control, could have bought a few of those books with it*) fine and wanted to avoid accruing anything new on my account.
About 3 miles down the road, I realized it was the first time in a REALLY long time that I had been alone.
Sometimes I'm not sure what to do when I'm alone.
(I like to think) I'm a fairly engaged mom when my kids are with me, and while I wasn't necessarily missing the conversation(s), I was just aware that there wasn't anyone who needed anything from me.
I have gone through periods of my life where I am religious about creating time on my own...even paying someone I trust to watch my kids so that I can just be Kristine, instead of mommy or sweetheart or any of the other roles I fill.
I haven't been so good about that lately.
And I realized tonight that I miss that time alone.
Mostly because I take time to evaluate how I really *AM*, without any interruptions.
But while I miss it, I'm hesitant to jump back into creating that time for myself either...and I'm not sure why.
I think part of it is just that I don't know what to do with my time.
What I want to do.
How I need to change...and I know that time alone encourages growth.
So I need to decide...am I ready?
Ready to grow?
Rediscover ME?
1 comment:
I recognize those feelings. Like feeling that Heavenly Father is nudging you in a direction that is good for you, and not really being sure - even though you know you will enjoy it - whether you are ready.
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