Creative

 Creativity is elusive. 

Some days it seems to flow out of me, onto a page like this, into a card I'm making, or even in the food I'm cooking.  

Other days, I halt and stop and throw away. Try again. Fail again. 

And I'm going to tell you right now, it's ok.  It's ok to fail...because in failing, you're one step closer to knocking it out of the park.  

You can stop yourself from big victories, from breakthroughs, and from the joy that comes from creativity if you don't keep making the effort.  

The effort is worth it. 

Today and every day.  

2023 Recap

Thanks for coming here for the Pat John family year in review. 

              You're an important part of our life if you scanned a QR code to find this update here. :) 

The one thing I realize as time passes is that the relationships we build with others are the most important things we can invest in.  Those relationships strengthen and bless us in a myriad of ways, even if it's memories of time togeher that we rely on.  Thank you for being a part of our lives. 

We pray that you may feel the love and peace of our Savior, Jesus Christ at this season and always. 

Merry Christmas! 

PAT & KRISTINE 

Pat loves being Papa JJJ...(or should I say Grampa JJJ). 

He's loving the opportunity to harass and talk rocks to a whole new generation of Johns.  

He spent much of his free time this past fall preparing for El Tour de Tucson yet again. He finally switched to the metric system and completed a metric century (100km/62 miles) with a couple of his friends. 

Work, family and helping with the young men fills his time.  You can almost always find him with a book playing on his headphones...and if you say Brandon Sanderson, you'll have a friend for life.  

Kristine has discovered that bigger kids still need Mom. Between a missionary coming home and a missionary leaving, graduation, new school enrollments, driver's license tests and all the other everyday parts of running a household, she's been busy.  

She's spent a lot of time with different doctors this year, but is still searching for answers to some elusive health issues.  Her "extra" time is spent now with the young women, and making cards. :)  

STEPHEN & VICTORIA

Stephen and Victoria continue the search for the balance between life, school, and work. Despite their ups and downs, they are having a great time Rexburg with friends and family both old and new. 

Stephen continues to serve as a member of the bishopric in their wonderful ward, and Victoria has been released after nearly two years of serving as the Relief Society 2nd Counselor. 

Stephen has worked a number of different jobs this year, settling on a job making potato flakes at Basic American. A true Idahoan now.

EMILY & TYLER JUDKINS

Tyler and Emily had a very busy year! 

Emily survived her first tax season and celebrated with her coworkers with a trip to Catalina island (which Bekah got to join her on!). 

Tyler got a promotion at his audio studio and was moved up to a nicer room. 

They’ve been traveling a ton this year, mostly to Arizona and Utah to visit family. Emily got to see Sam graduate high school and both Emily and Tyler got to be there for her grandparents homecoming talk!

They celebrated 5 years of marriage in August!! 

They had a big move in October to a nicer apartment and they bought a second car a week later so Emily didn’t have to ride the bus anymore. 

They’re loving life and enjoying the sunny California weather!! 

NATE & LILY

Nathan, Lily, and Alex have had a busy year. Continuing school has been a great adventure and joy for them- Nathan is continuing on his track in Psychology and Lily is continuing in Child development. 

They have also had a crash course in parenthood as Alex has grown and developed so quickly over the last year. He’s already walking, saying simple phrases, and tackling walking up and down stairs. Alex loves ramen noodles, toy cars and cats. He’ll become quite insistent on playing with these if he even catches a glimpse of them. 

Overall 2023 has been a delight for their little growing family.

THOMAS

This year Thomas got back from his mission in February! 

He has kept on moving since he's gotten home. He was a counselor for FSY (church youth camps) this summer and went to Texas, Provo, and North Carolina. 

He has also started college at BYU-Idaho, enjoys singing in the choir and lives near his two brothers that are in Rexburg. He loves spending time with his nephew and is vying for the "favorite uncle" title. 

BEKAH & GARRET HUNT

garret and bekah are loving life in tucson and staying busy between school, work and traveling to see family!

bekah will be graduating from EAC online in May with a business and project management degree. she’s loved working as a shift lead at crumbl and a receptionist for a massage office! 

garret has just finished working at a furniture salesman and is going into his last year of his biology degree from u of a! they’re looking forward to getting closer to dental school and all of their plans for 2024!

SAMUEL

Sam graduated from Combs High School in May!  

By May he had his mission papers in and was anxiously awaiting his call.

Between  his graduation and leaving on his mission, he chose to skydive! 

It was something that has been on Pat's bucket list too!  

Sam spent a couple of transfers in the Detriot, Michigan mission and had the chance to experience what fall looks like and feels like! We were sincerely hoping his visa would come through before the real winter weather set in.

In mid-November, Sam got notice that his visa had finally been approved! He headed to Piura, Peru (La ciudad de eterna calor) and has been serving there for the past month!

Here is an excerpt from his latest letter: 

Remember to do the small things- pray to God, read in His scriptures, and attend His church. The Holy Spirit testifies of His truth, and it testifies that this Gospel is true. I testify along with the Holy Ghost, in the name of Jesus Christ, that His church is again on the earth, and it will help you become a better person!

ISAAC

Isaac has had a busy, eventful year. He got his driver's permit this past spring, and his driver's license in the fall. It's been a blessing to have another driver in the house! It's always a fun step toward adulthood and independence when you send a kiddo out the door to run an errand or two for you. 

He made the decision to switch schools this fall, which meant going back to wearing uniforms for him. 

He said earlier this year "It took me a while to figure out I just needed to do what God was telling me to do and get the Holy Ghost off of my back".  

 It has been a wonderful thing to watch Isaac thrive in the environment we feel the Lord chose for him.  Listening to that still, small voice isn't always easy, but it is something on which we can truly depend. 

NATALIE

Natalie ran for Publicity Commissioner within her school last spring.  

While she wasn't elected to that position, she was asked to serve as a representative for Student Council this year.  She has spent many hours already in service helping others in her school, and she LOVES it.  

This fall, she was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society 

(which is also a service oriented organization).  

She's thriving within the young women's program and has the opportunity to grow her testimony with activities like a Book of Mormon Read-a-Thon and temple trips.  

She most recently loved the Amazing Race activity.

On Becoming Holy

Unnoticed initially, the bottoms of his shoes were almost fully worn through.  It had become such a part of him that he didn’t even think to mention it. It was the everyday walking, the constancy, that wore away his soles.  

Sometimes I wonder if our process of becoming holy is similar: the everyday challenges, the ones we face head on, without even really thinking about them, could they actually be wearing our souls down so that we hear Him and follow Him?  

How many miles are we putting on our spiritual souls?  How are we moving forward, even when it hurts?  I think I’ve learned something…and I’ll be pondering it for many days to come.  

Thrifting

 I can’t remember a time I didn’t thrift. 

St. Johns, the town in Arizona I grew up in, didn’t always have a thrift store in town, so yard sales were where we found “treasures” the most frequently.  

Call it frugality.  Call it necessity.  Call it wisdom on my mom's (a single mother) part.  Whatever you call it, it has become a part of what I do.  

Even my kids know we're gonna check the thrift stores before we go to the "regular" stores.  Raising 8 kids, it's been an honest to goodness godsend to not have to pay full price for things.  

So often, it's like a treasure hunt.  Except the treasure could be any number of things. I keep a running list in my phone of things we need, and when we REALLY need something, you'll see us praying that we'll be led to where that item is.  

And more times than I can count, the Lord has provided exactly what we need at exactly the right time.  

Broken Thermostat

I can’t tell you exactly when my internal thermostat stopped working.  I will say though, it is completely kaput.  Even with multiple layers on, if I get cold, I stay cold.  It’s not the most conducive to enjoying winter nights outside, even when it’s absolutely gorgeous.  

I used to joke that I’d rather be cold than hot, but after dealing with a constancy of chills, I may have honestly changed my mind.  

I Am Loved

My mom did an amazing job making me feel loved and important on Valentine’s Day every year.  It wasn’t expensive or time consuming, but she made it a priority to do SOMETHING special.  Heart shaped pancakes sometimes.  Other times a card.  One time a set of silver  heart shaped earrings.  Probably never all at once, and maybe not even every year.  Ultimately it doesn't matter what she did every year because she made the effort to let me know she not only loved me, but she liked me as well.  Not every child gets to feel that in their life, and I consider that constancy one of her most powerful and important gifts.  Because of her and the example she set for me, I am a mother who could build on that foundation and make a difference in my own children's lives.  I am loved, and because of that, I can love others more deeply.

Blessed to Chose Him

Allowing myself to be chosen. It’s a spiritual concept that is both simple and profound. God desires us to choose Him. His ways. His paths. His Son. And for so many years I felt like that was selfish on His end…like He needed me to worship Him for some unknown purpose.  It was a surprise to me to actually realize that all He wants to do is bless me, and my obedience ultimately blesses me, not Him. Although I have to consider if my obedience actually can move forth His plan and purposes…which would bless Him. 

I’ve been taught my whole life that God is bound to His promises when we do what He says. I love that.  He will never go back on His words or promises.  He is ever faithful.  And for that I’m so grateful! 

Filling My Cup

Book club fills my cup.  It’s been the majority of my adult life that I’ve been a part of a book club.  When I was first married, I attended sporadically.  Whether that was due to scheduling conflicts or non-interest in the books on my part, I’m not sure.  

Some of my favorite memories of people in Silver City are tied to the book club we had there.  It was there that I really discovered the joy of sharing intellectual conversation based on something we had collectively read.  

There were a few years here in San Tan Valley book club wasn’t even on my radar.  When a new neighbor mentioned she didn’t want to drive into Gilbert monthly anymore and asked if anyone would be interested in a local book club, I jumped in with both feet.  After sending texts out to 6 of my friends, we had created our book club.  

We’ve now existed for 7 years.  Our book choices have been greatly varied, and our conversations have been as well. I’ve read books I never would have chosen, really disliked some of them, and found others that have come to change my perspective wholly about things.  

Perhaps my favorite part of book club is having truly intellectual conversations with other women.  Delving into uncomfortable topics and truly listening to other people’s perspectives has stretched me as a person.  I’m a better person because of the people I have been blessed to associate with in book club.  

It’s a night each month that truly fills my cup.  

Not So Stealthy

Four young women and I delivered some cookies to someone tonight…supposedly in a stealthy way…but I’ll tell you right now, we weren’t even the tiniest bit sneaky.  Which is funny in it’s in own way…and we laughed and laughed about it.  We may have to try again just to perfect our skills.  

Are you stealthy?  If so, send tips our way.  :p

Confinement vs. Sacred Space

There was a time I would listen to my children fight in the car.  The fights were mostly trivial.  Over simple things.  Which seat they wanted, which window they deserved to be by, etc… 

I worked on seating charts.  Rotation schedules so the kids who fought the most with each other never sat near each other.  I played “fun” music.  I tried so many things. And nothing made a difference.  I truly felt that I was forced into a confinement of sorts every single time I went somewhere with my family.  

It was while we still lived in Silver City, NM (2004-2009) that I was taught to treat every minute in the car as sacred time.  I probably laughed out loud the first time I heard the suggestion.  There was nothing sacred in my mind about the time in my car as it was.  

It didn’t take me long to make some effort.  I think we started with the primary songs that my kids would be singing at the end of the year in the primary program.  We then worked on memorizing the Articles of Faith.  And then we started having different conversations than we had before.  The kids started listening and being influenced by what was going on in the car.  It felt like a literal miracle at that point in my mothering. 

Changing the time in the car with my kids from mere confinement to a purposely created sacred time and space has blessed every one of my children (whether or not they see it as such would depend on their memories of it), but for me, it added the spirit to my otherwise chaotic life in a way I couldn’t have predicted.  It made room in my own heart for my Savior.  

Doing it Anyway

 Some days, the words don’t come.  

And I write anyway.  

Discombobulated, unrelated, random. 

A commitment to myself is a serious thing.  

Something I won’t give up without a massive fight. 

So today, this is enough.  

And I pray, tomorrow, the words will come.  

Enduring

When you’ve been wholly focused on one task for over 24 hours, some funny things start to happen.  

Your brain stops focusing as easily, and you find that you’re sillier than you’d typically be.  

How do I know this?  I was recently asked to serve with the young women (ages 12-18) in our church congregation.  This weekend we’re reading The Book of Mormon (531 pages).  It’s been a challenge for us.  Not all of us have been present the whole time (raising my hand), but there have already been some apparent blessings from pushing to reach a goal that really takes some effort.  

*Unity.  Unity comes when you share an experience and get vulnerable with how you’re feeling.  I know I’ve seen girls sharing much more than meals and snacks as they have shared their time and energy reading toward this goal. 

*Peace. In a world that is chaotic and loud, I find that the moments when the girls have understood what they are reading, a peace has distilled on the entire group.  With about 30 of us, that’s significant.  

*Laughter.  We won’t forget the chapters read in accents, the chairs that have tipped over, the funny phrases and so much more.  There is a bond that is born is such silliness. It won’t be soon forgotten.

*Answers.  Immersing ourselves in a spirit filled environment has allowed specific verses stand out to me in ways that I know they are answers to my own questions and concerns.  I feel very, very grateful for those moments. 

Conversations.  Suffice it to say God puts the people we need in our lives.  Things people share or say, moments where tears have come to my eyes, these are the “things of the heart”.  I’m so grateful there are people who surround me that I can share those moments with.  

Any one of these things would be worth enduring for.  To have them all is far more than I anticipated.  Perhaps I can make it these last few hours. ;)

My Life’s Mantra

 I couldn’t tell you exactly when I added it to my email signature…(which led me down a LLOOOONNNNGGG rabbit hole).  I found it for the first time on an email dated 7-5-2012. Prior to that point my signature had read “Making the world a little brighter in our neck of the woods”, which was appropriate because we actually lived in the woods in New Mexico.  I think I was looking for something shorter and more succinct after our move to Arizona.  Something I could say easily and that I could teach my children to live.  

The result: Do Good. Be Kind. was added to the end of every email communication I sent out.  And it began to change me.  It made me stop and pause before I made a decision, a comment, a judgement.  And that pause often allowed time for a change in my attitude and perspective.  

My kids would all tell you it’s what I say most, but I hope they would also tell you that it’s what I live even more.  

That’s the purpose of a life’s mantra. 

Make Someone Smile

Today, I showed up. It wasn’t complicated and I didn’t spend all day thinking about how to do it. I was recently called to serve the young women in our church congregation, and 2 of them were in a play tonight.  It would have been so easy to skip it. My list of things to do is long, and there won’t be enough time tomorrow to get everything done. I put those things aside, because I truly believe that everyone needs to know that they have someone cheering them on.  Now, let’s be honest, both of these girls have amazing families that showed up for them too…and I sincerely doubt that they’ll remember I was there.  It doesn’t matter.  Their smiles and hugs as I told them “good job” were enough for me.  They’re doing an amazing job at navigating life…and any way that I can support them in their interests and successes, I’ll do.  So I’ll keep showing up.  And making people smile.  Can you do the same?  

Self Advocate

Why is it that taking care of myself feels like a daunting task?  I've been proactive for over 10 years in the self-care department, really digging for answers and looking for someone (anyone?!) who could give me direction as to how best navigate my myriad of health issues.  I'm over 50, and it finally doesn't feel selfish to be truly taking care of myself.  (Hallelujah.)  If anyone who is younger than 50 is reading this, here is your gentle reminder that taking care of yourself is truly what will allow you to take care of others as well.   So what does self care look like today?  

Today, it looked like getting myself to (yet another) Primary Care Physician's office to see if, perhaps, they would be a good fit for me.  (They seem to be).  I don't need placating words or a myriad of medicines to mask my real issues.  I've been searching for a doctor who really listens to me as an individual and doesn't treat me like a number in the queue.  I'm crossing my fingers I've landed in a place where we can start finding answers.  

Learning to become an advocate for myself has been one of the positive side effects of searching for my team of health care providers.  Speaking up, even when it's uncomfortable, not scheduling another appointment with a doctor who didn't listen, or doing research on my own so that I am armed with information to discuss with my doctors have been a few of the ways that I have advocated differently than I did when I was younger.  

I now have a list of 3 specialists to see, on top of the one I saw last week.  That's a LOT of appointments.  And I'm telling myself it's ok.  The goal is that I'll be a healthier, happier, and more functional after advocating for myself.  

Blowing off the dust

I have places in my home that desperately need dusted.  Some of them are in out of the way places and I just don't see them.  Some of the places are right in my line of sight, but I keep telling myself I'll make time for it, or that I'll get to it later.  The reality is this: Dusting hasn't been a priority.  I have so many other things I'd rather be doing. 

My writing is lot like that.  I've pushed it away, hidden it in drawers, or said I'll make time for it later.  I haven't.  Until today.  Today my writing becomes a priority again. It is the "something" I'd rather be doing.  Not because I have a specific story to tell, but because the writer's voice inside me has been neglected for far too long.  My commitment is to myself, and to 1 writer friend, and my guess is no one else will even know.  

And that's ok.  When's the last time you checked someone else's house for dust?  

Infuriating Exhaustion

 Here I am, 4 months post covid.  And I'm still exhausted.  I'm in a forced season of slow down and stillness.  And while I'd like to say I'm handling it well, there are days when I wonder if that is true, or simply a figment of my imagination.  

(Written in January 2022)

Reality #1:  My body hurts.  Often.  In odd places.  It makes things like walking up and down the stairs a challenge, and workouts almost a form of torture.  My headaches this past week have been almost constant.  It would be easy to surrender and just lie in my bed everyday.  And...I am fighting.  Every day.  I am working to move my body in some form of exercise or in errands (even when almost every time it brings me to tears).  I have to continue to believe that my body, at some point, will recover and I will be able to function without excessive pain again.  

Reality #2:  Physical and mental exhaustion combined are an extremely challenging combination.  I have found that spending time on the computer brings the mental fatigue to the forefront.  I was hired to work with a company by the name of Virtual Crown in July (prior to covid) and have never been able to complete a session (averaging 3-4 hours) due to my mental fatigue.  After an hour or so my mental connections seem to glitch and "short".  Words and complete thoughts are hard to communicate.  My other job (subbing for seminary and institute), while not as challenging mentally (seminary teaching is repeated content/institute just 1 hour), is exhausting physically.  Standing, walking around a classroom and speaking at the same time is wholly draining.  I feel the energy leave within about 15-20 minutes and sweat will pour down my back as I push past those limits.  

Reality #3:  Being so still and literally struggling to do the very basics has led me to question my worth and value.  I have been repeatedly reminded by the Lord that I have value, EVEN IF I can do nothing.  He loves me.  And choosing Him and His path is enough.  My life and patterns of behavior have so long been caught up in the busyness of my tasks however, that I feel like I have stared into depths of darkness over the last 3 months especially.  I wonder if I still have a place in this world, and if it would be easier if I had just died from covid.  I'm not suicidal...let me be clear.  This is just a long, long, long road with seemingly no answers.  

Facing realities means I'm being brutally honest.  With honesty can come clarity.  That is what I am praying for.